13weeks6days

It's been a while. So here's an update:

We lost Carys at 13 weeks. And at that point, she had already been gone about a week. As of tomorrow, I'll be 14 weeks. So this baby has already make it 2 weeks longer. You'd think I'd take some comfort in that, right? Yeah...no.

For whatever reason I'd been getting that weird feeling again. Just a niggling little.....I don't know how to describe it, really. I pushed it out of my head though. Tonight Jesse asked to hear the baby's "heart beep" as he calls it. So he rounds up Quinn and Daddy and we all settle into the master to listen to the baby's heart beep. Only I couldn't find it. I searched and searched and searched. After about 10 minutes I told Steve to just get the kids to bed. He did, and I tried some more. Still couldn't find it. Texted my midwife in a panic and she called me and talked me into some Rescue Remedy and try again tomorrow. Instead I just tried again and after another couple of minutes.....FINALLY!

144 beats per minutes

So yes, as of right now, baby is still OK. Well, as far as we know, it's OK. Until our ultrasound, anyway, that's as reassuring as it gets.

Aside from my moment of temporary insanity, other news is:

-Dr. Miller, MD (Midwife in Disguise) has retired and moved to Ontario. This is devastating news for his patients, particularly the pregnant ones. Before he left, though, he prescribed my synthroid to treat my hypothyroidism! Halle-fucking-lujah!

-I've been sick as a dog with morning sickness. I gave and in started taking diclectin. Only one or two a day. Whether it helps or not, I'm not certain. Perhaps it's a placebo effect. And no, I don't take morning sickness as a reassuring sign - I was even sicker with Carys til 3 weeks AFTER the D&C.

-Mom and Dad moved home (again)! It's the 6 of us under one roof for a while. It's a bit crowded, but DAMN, it's good to have them home!

-Our house (the one Quinn was born in) is nearly ready to put up for sale! So glad this nightmare is almost over. We need it sold and are *hoping* we make enough for a downpayment for a new home. 

6weeks1day - Milestones

Yesterday was the 6 week milestone.

We lost of first pregnancy at 6 weeks exactly. It was rather dramatic and traumatizing at the time, though I now realize that, as far as miscarriages go, I got lucky. Everything happened naturally, I didn't hemorrhage, it was complete, and I got pregnant again right away. Regardless, it was a big loss for us....our first big trial as a couple, really. Every pregnancy since (there's been three), the 6 week mark has been a big deal for us. We hold our breathes on the 6 week mark and sigh with relief when it passes.

This time though, I held my breath but the sign of relief didn't come. And it won't. At least not for some time.

Carys died right around the 12 week mark, though we didn't find out until 13 weeks. She'd had a heart beat for several weeks and we'd heard it loud and clear, so finding the heart beat won't put us at ease either.

I'm scheduled for an ultrasound this week at 6.5 weeks. It's a bit ridiculous, really. I asked for the ultrasound for peace of mind...so that we can announce the pregnancy after being reasonably reassured that the pregnancy and baby are normal. I was aiming for a 10-11 week ultrasound....right before Mom and Dad arrive home from Doha. Around when I start to show again. But for some reason, they booked me in at 6.5 weeks. There may or may not even be a heartbeat at that point. If there's not, it's not going to be reassuring. If there is, it's not going to be reassuring.

So I'm thinking about calling the ultrasound department up on Tuesday and telling them I have gastro or something. (What ultrasound tech wants to be shoving a dildo cam cam up someone's vagina when they have uncontrollable diarrhea?) Hopefully I'll figure something out.