13weeks6days

It's been a while. So here's an update:

We lost Carys at 13 weeks. And at that point, she had already been gone about a week. As of tomorrow, I'll be 14 weeks. So this baby has already make it 2 weeks longer. You'd think I'd take some comfort in that, right? Yeah...no.

For whatever reason I'd been getting that weird feeling again. Just a niggling little.....I don't know how to describe it, really. I pushed it out of my head though. Tonight Jesse asked to hear the baby's "heart beep" as he calls it. So he rounds up Quinn and Daddy and we all settle into the master to listen to the baby's heart beep. Only I couldn't find it. I searched and searched and searched. After about 10 minutes I told Steve to just get the kids to bed. He did, and I tried some more. Still couldn't find it. Texted my midwife in a panic and she called me and talked me into some Rescue Remedy and try again tomorrow. Instead I just tried again and after another couple of minutes.....FINALLY!

144 beats per minutes

So yes, as of right now, baby is still OK. Well, as far as we know, it's OK. Until our ultrasound, anyway, that's as reassuring as it gets.

Aside from my moment of temporary insanity, other news is:

-Dr. Miller, MD (Midwife in Disguise) has retired and moved to Ontario. This is devastating news for his patients, particularly the pregnant ones. Before he left, though, he prescribed my synthroid to treat my hypothyroidism! Halle-fucking-lujah!

-I've been sick as a dog with morning sickness. I gave and in started taking diclectin. Only one or two a day. Whether it helps or not, I'm not certain. Perhaps it's a placebo effect. And no, I don't take morning sickness as a reassuring sign - I was even sicker with Carys til 3 weeks AFTER the D&C.

-Mom and Dad moved home (again)! It's the 6 of us under one roof for a while. It's a bit crowded, but DAMN, it's good to have them home!

-Our house (the one Quinn was born in) is nearly ready to put up for sale! So glad this nightmare is almost over. We need it sold and are *hoping* we make enough for a downpayment for a new home. 

Answers

Anyone who's lost a baby wants to know why. Especially since, in the back of your mind, you always wonder if it's something you did or didn't do that caused it.

After our D&C, the baby and placenta were sent to pathology for testing. The OB had been worried about possible partial molar pregnancy (tested negative though). Chromosomal abnormalities were also ruled out. So we still had no answers. I had looked up statistics on miscarriage and apparently, at the stage we were at, there was about a 0.6% chance of loss. Pretty tiny.

So for the past few months, I've been wondering if it was something perhaps I'd come into contact with at work that had caused us to lose our baby girl. Exposure to X-rays? Medications? Viruses? I'm generally quite careful, but there are times when you have a critically ill patient and something is needed really quick and precautions go out the window....

I'd never stopped to think that maybe there was something entirely different underlying all of this.

About a month ago my hair started falling out. I have difficulty sleeping. My mind is "foggy" much of the time. I have an intolerance to cold. A Naturopathic Doctor friend of mine suggested I might have hypothyroidism. I knew it wasn't impossible since I'd had some "borderline hypothyroid" issues (now that I have the results in my hand I know that I wasn't "borderline" at all) when Jesse was 10 months old (back in November 2008). So I went to the doctor and got a requisition for blood work. Went I went for follow-up, he said my results were normal.

When I showed my friend the results, she told me that they were indeed NOT normal. She provided me with links to the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists and the American Thyroid Association. Not only this hypothyroidism have caused the miscarriage, but it could very well be the cause of my secondary infertility. Which I've been dealing with since Jesse was a year old. It took 21 cycles to conceive Quinn and 17 cycles to conceive our baby girl. Apparently, hypothyroidism causes an increase in prolactin, which suppresses progesterone. Low progesterone can cause a luteal phase defect, which is what I have.

Of course, the next question is "where do we go from here?"

We do have a tentative plan in place. My friend is ordering a comprehensive blood panel to be shipped to a lab in Ontario that she frequently works with. Once I have those results, we'll be able to work on a treatment plan. I'm also going to go back to my own family doctor with AACE guidelines in hand, pertinent sections highlighted for him. Hopefully he'll see then that there's obviously something going on.

So we have something to go on and I'm determined to follow this through. I can't help but be bitter though. Maybe....maybe Carys would still be with us if this had been taken seriously back in 2008 and my thyroid issues had been treated. I still have a wicked case of the would-be's and should-be's.